Does the Internet feel like a clique – and you’re not one of the cool girls? Everyone seems to have their own business BFF, an intimate mastermind, always get recommended by others… except you.

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I’ve moved around a lot. Like… a lot. When I was three, we moved from the Czech Republic to the US – first Salt Lake City, then Chicago, then Palo Alto, California. At nine, we went on a three-year project to Singapore.

We stayed for 13 years.

At 21, studying 90-hours a week at university and slowly developing Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder due to the stress I was under, I had had enough.

I picked the Netherlands (good English, universities weren’t crazy expensive) and wrote an email to every single university with an English-language business programme. “Hi, my name is Maggie, please take me!”

3 months later, I had a one-way ticket to Amsterdam and a transfer to a new university.

The culture shock that came from having grown up in a conservative society like Singapore, which valued conformity and hard work in academia above all, to the very liberal Amsterdam… let’s just say I nearly had a heart attack the first time I walked through the Red Light district. But that’s a whole different story.

One of the biggest life lessons I’ve learned the hard way, with all these new places and languages and cultures…

If you don’t talk to people, you will not make friends.

It’s that simple. The End.

(okay, not really. Here are some actionable tips you to to make it happen.)

1. Introduce Yourself

Join a few Facebook groups you feel comfortable in. Smaller groups are best for good engagement and getting to know people so you don’t feel like just another face in the crowd.

In your introduction, don’t just focus on what you do and your business. This isn’t a time to hunt for clients (and even if you are, no one is really that interested). Share something personal about yourself. Include a photo, something casual with your pet or you, relaxed, having fun. Keep the professional laptop-and-desk photo for your website.

The more personal things you share, the more chances you’re giving people to genuinely connect to you as a human being.

Action Step: Post a friendly introduction in a Facebook group you’re in. Include a casual photo of yourself, and some interesting facts – maybe your favourite TV series, your travel bucketlist, and embarrassing moment.

2. Engage

Lurking in the background, although comfortable, will get you nowhere. Provide helpful + personal content in groups. Give people the chance to get to know you by seeing you regularly… in a human way.

• Comment on other people’s posts – and no generic “that’s great!” allowed!
• Use people’s names
• Make your comments – whether on Facebook, Twitter or Instagram – meaningful and personal.
• Check out their websites, content or other social media and say something positive about it
• Give feedback when asked for

Above all, give from a genuine place. You’re not hunting for new clients here. You’re trying to connect, in a meaningful, human way.

Action Step: Post something in one group once a day. This could be a (short) personal story, something you learned, or something entertaining or inspirational.

3. Share

Want people to share your content? This is what you need to do.

Share their content. People remember those who help them, and in the world of online business, someone sharing your content is a definite help.

I believe in online business karma.

If you do good, help people by supporting them and sharing their content and not expecting anything in return, this will come back to you in a positive way.

Action Step: You know those promo threads in Facebook groups where everyone’s posting their latest blog post or freebie? Go through that thread, pick the links you like and your audience would find useful, and share them on Twitter, Pinterest or Facebook. Let the person know you’ve shared them, too!

4. Ask

After you’ve spent a while being active online in these ways, you’ll probably start seeing certain people popping up. The secret to the many great business friendships I’ve built online all lies in one simple thing I’ve been consistently doing.

I invited people I thought were interesting for a virtual coffee.

A virtual what? Yes, I can hear you.

It’s a casual get-to-know-you chat, ideally with a cup of coffee or tea, over Skype or a similar platform (my personal preference is Zoom). It’s just like having coffee with a new friend you met, except it’s online and you’re probably on different continents and wearing yoga pants.

Here’s a sample template you can use to approach your new business BFFS.

Hey X!

I’ve seen you around often and I really like [your website, your writing style, the fact you Y]. I’d love to get to know you better – would you be open to a coffee over Skype some time? If yes, here’s a link to my online schedule.

Looking forward to it!
Maggie

Action Step: Think of three people you’ve seen around online or you’ve been in contact with, e.g. commenting on each others’ posts, ReTweeting them, etc. Send them a message and ask them for a virtual coffee!

P.S. Don’t you dare pitch anyone on these calls or I will come after you.

Your Turn

Follow these four steps, consistently. It’s very important to remember that you’re trying to build real, human relationships. You’re not hunting for clients, selling something or trying to see what you can get for your business out of the other person.

Let me know – what happened after you did this? How have online relationships impacted your business?

To make life easier for you, I made you a checklist of daily and weekly tasks to do. Make sure you get it + use it!